It's a blue me, is it a winter thing?

I feel totally blue tonight. I don't know why really. is it a winter thing? or a me thing?

Really I think things are going just fine, I'm at work tonight, till 8:45am, that could be a piece of it. but who actually knows.

Mister has his boys this week. and I have this strange jealousy towards them, and not because he pays them attention, that doesn't bother me at all. it's actually a more they should be mine kind of thing. or if they were mine they wouldn't behave like this because...... I have loved this man since I was 14, yup that's right, and even though we have not been together for most of the past 17 years, I have never stopped knowing that he was it for me. and those 2 boys aren't mine, they are someone else's, and that's just this weird reality shock every time they come spend time with us.

Life is such a strange roller coaster. I never know which way it is going to go. I'm always willing for the journey. but it frustrates the hell out of me sometimes. I am not really sure of the thing that is making me feel blue, but it's this weird lonely feeling that I haven't felt since my mister moved in. and this past week i have felt it here and there, not all the time. but tonight it's strong. it might just be the working night shifts and sleeping all day so I can do the night shift again. I guess I need to wait till monday and see if it goes away.

thanks for the ramble :) Peace